What makes a good parent
Faith, Mental Wellness

What makes a good parent

From a glance, parenting looks so easy and when it turns out wrong, people are quick to judge you as a parent. In fact, you tend to judge yourself even before anyone else does. In an attempt to do things right, we often seek answers as to what makes a better parent. But no matter how many articles you will read or videos you may watch on parenting, you may never ace this puzzle 100%. Because most advise you will find is generic and you are dealing with a unique entity, someone the writer of those articles has never met or lived with. Your child.

This is not to discredit articles, videos or guides on parenting. These are very important and you should invest in your parenting skills by researching and reading. This is to offer some form of comfort to you. This is to say when you have tried so hard to do things right and even gone an extra mile of researching and reading, and yet parenting still seems to fail you; do not judge yourself.

There are times when you may have realized that you made a lot of mistakes on your parenting journey and you have seen the effects of bad parenting in your children. Do not continue to beat yourself about it. Offspring really appreciate a genuine heartfelt apology and you can save your child from various mental health challenges by admitting that you were wrong and you are sorry.

However, saying sorry is not enough, you must ask what you can do to make things right. So many delinquent and unruly adults in our society are a result of bad parenting styles. You can save your child and the society by showing your repentant human side. Then give the child time to really see that you are sorry and you love and cherish them.

My children will come out right and different

I don’t know that. How am I supposed to know? No one ever knows that for sure, one can only hope and pray. Such kind of thinking is what may even turn you into a bad parent because you will place unrealistic expectations on your children. And when they error, you may go into denial, may become bitter towards them and even despise them. You may end up overreacting in your disappointment towards them. Such kind of thinking may turn you into a judgmental toxic parent.

The truth about parenting

Parenting is like being given an anonymous seed for you to plant. You have no control what seed you will be given, but you have control over where and how you plant it. As you water, trim and nurture it, you still have no idea what kind of tree your seed will grow into. But as years go by, you start to get an idea as you see the traits of the tree. You should bear in mind that initially, that tree has no control over its environment and it grows according to the nature of its surroundings and it’s keeper.

That is how I understand parenting. God placed that seed in your hands. Understand the word placed, meaning its not yours. It belongs to the owner and maker of the seed. But he selected you as it’s caretaker. To plant, nurture and guide it into adulthood so that it breaks free to have a chance to grow and nurture a seed too. This is essential for continuity.

What makes a good parent?

Who you are, who your spouse is, your quality of marriage, and the home environment that you provide for your child will determine what kind of adult you will produce out of your child. Read about 16 signs of bad parenting and to fix them here.

What really makes a good parent is God. He gives us the duty to raise his people, he is the only one that can give us the wisdom and the “know how” on how to raise the particular person in your care.

But I am a very prayerful parent!

We Christians have a way of being very prayerful and still succumbing to our human nature. Just praying and fasting is not enough. You have to walk the talk and live the word. Children are people with a functional brain, they reason and see into your actions. Sometimes, they understand situations more that you can ever imagine. What is your response to the following?

  • Are you in a habit of losing your temper, screaming, and/or inappropriate behavior?
  • Are you a substance abuser?
  • Have you been a happy parent?
  • Do you sometimes find your self punishing or spanking your kids to relieve your anger and frustration towards them?
  • Are you placing unrealistic expectations on them?
  • Are you doing to them as you would want done unto you?
  • Do you find ignoring your child just to get your back or punish them?
  • Do you often take time to hear them out?
  • Have you acknowledged that each child has a unique personality and none of them can be like the other or like you?
  • Do you often find yourself comparing your child to siblings, friends or neighbors children?
  • Do you watch what comes out of your mouth?
  • Are you smothering your child expecting them to do things your way and forgetting that he/she is a child?
  • Are you allowing your child to enjoy childhood?
  • Do you encourage your child to pursue his/her passions alongside academic life?
  • Do you realize that your unhappiness, insecurities and fears are known by your child no matter how hard you hide it and it affects him/her negatively? Click here to read more.

These are very important questions to consider and as you are responding to them, I want you to know that at whichever stage you are in your parenting journey, it is never too late to make amends and make a good parent. Also remember not to judge yourself. Like earlier said, no one knows what their child will turn out to be. We can only hope, pray and do our part as good parents leaving the rest to God.

Also remember that as the child transcends into adulthood, they will eventually choose their own path. It may be different from your expected or supposed path. Sometimes, we think we have provided the child with everything he needs and yet we have left out important needs. Read about the 5 Basic human needs here.

What makes a good parenttt

These children are not our own. They belong to their maker. Whatever you do as a parent, you will be required to give an account to He that placed them on this earth through you. What we need to do as parents is guide them towards being instrumental to the kingdom of God and to serve the purpose for which they were created. And to seek God’s guidance continually in how to manage these little people. That is what makes a good parent.

I value your feedback, please drop your comments, experiences or opinions below. Remember to subscribe.

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